We are designed to be in relationship

“Can’t we all just get along?” became a rallying cry after riots broke out in 1991 protesting the beating of Rodney King by police officers in Los Angeles. Yes, we can get along. In fact, the majority of the time we do! In relationship stories, conflict and confrontation get far more attention than cooperation. 

But in reality, our willingness to cooperate is what has allowed us to live and flourish among each other for hundreds of thousands of years. We live and believe the old sayings of “there is strength in numbers,” and “two heads are better than one.” 

Think of how many times during the course of a day you cooperate with another human being in kind and courteous ways. You do it all day long as you drive in traffic, deal with customers, and live with family. Most of the time, you never consider that anyone could be more or less worthy than you are.

  

When we are actively engaged in a relationship with another, we are physically and emotionally healthier.

This is NOT a test: This is it!

No not, the Michael Jackson movie. But a movie none the less in a sense. Our imagination is  as many have described, like a screen with our consciousness playing on it. As a songwriter, I have those experiences all the time of imagining something or more accurately hearing the soundtrack to an experience I have had or having in my life. 

Sometimes, we wonder "Have I hit a brick wall?" I'm happy AND it's just these last five pounds or it's all I can do think of to receive the raise. You've done the work, read the books, saw the counselor, went inside, prayed for help outside and there is still this "one" thing.

Guess what this is not a test from your emergency broadcasting system this is your life in real time if there is such a thing. Regardless, you are happening now. I am happening now.

I have several friends who have jobs and livelihoods where every day they feel a sense of purpose-they are inspired. Some people I know, are inspired because they know exactly what that looks like in their mind and are waiting to experience it. Some have dreams so big, it's hard for them to fathom doing anything else and are doing all they can to make their dreams come true. But as soon as any of this feels like pushing or fighting up against something, the inspiration turns into frustration.

The orthodox way of dealing with frustration is to DO, ACT, PUSH, RUN. Do anything but be still in the moment. But I would suggest to do just that. Allow the mind to quiet, and come from a place of peace. You may wonder, will you receive an answer, is this your"lot?" This is when it is time to abide in the stillness, be at peace with the silence. However you are to proceed, may come in such a slight whisper that it surfaces at the most unexpected moment in your conscious thought.

Since this life is not a test (to my knowledge)  instead of living a movie where this one thing still exist in your life. Be Still. Instead to spending more energy pushing against it, be still. Allow the stillness to be as still as the coldest of nights. Abide in that stillness and in that peace for a while. And rewrite the script on a blank screen having left all the remnants behind of the old movie reel.

You've seen it happen before in your life. Something always breaks through. 

I Love you, Bukeka

From the book Worthy

Everyone Has Worth

Throughout our history, humans have battled or threatened others in pursuit of food, water, shelter and power. The survival of a race, an economic way of life, or position of power can compel us to kill, demonize, and victimize others to keep what we believe we are entitled to control. Our need to fight arises from the perception that resources are limited, and a core belief that if one person is worthy of those resources, then another is not.

Who would you place on your list of history’s “worst people”?  For many Americans living today, Adolf Hitler or Osama Bin Laden may come to mind. Native Americans might recall people who took their land by force and placed them on reservations. For some retirees, or people who will never be able to retire, the worst people are corporate executives who embezzled billions of dollars, dissolving employee pensions and retirement savings.

It could be a rapist, a murderer, an abuser, or a traitor. How could any of these people be considered worthy of anything except the punishment of their crime? Based on destructive behaviors and actions, it may be hard to resolve that, no matter what, everyone, without exception, has value and worth.

But if we believe our worth is intrinsic, simply because we exist, then worth must be granted to everyone, regardless of behavior or flaws. Our existence-- not our actions--dictates our worth.

When we lack a sense of self-worth, we are unable to see it in others. Therefore, our behaviors and actions can become destructive. Something or someone without worth or value becomes disposable. If we all had self-worth and valued the worth of others, we wouldn’t engage in war and genocide.

Bathed In Surrender

After Chaz Wesley and I returned from the Surrender Adventure last year, I noticed the incredible open space that had become my life. It was new and unfamiliar. I looked around at my home, my furniture, my clothes and it was as though I had walked into a world that was mine but I had never been there. 

Each chair I sat down in was for the first time. And when I sat in significant places I had to rearrange my body to a more comfortable position. It was not the same person sitting in the chair. The first correspondence I had with my significant other, I waited quietly to hear how his voice would sound. I wondered what he would say and never thought about how I would reply. Then he said the things he's said before, but this time it sounded like all the things you'd ever want your lover to say to you..."I support you 110%." "It' your time." on and on it went, and I fell in love all over again.

When Chaz talks about being in your business and getting back to your business, in this stage of noticing your thoughts as CEO of your business you get to choose what thoughts get fired. Clearing space, gaining clarity, opening the mind. Good CEO's will notice first and act later. This is when the real noticing begins. 

I noticed my speech and demeanor were more assured. Rev. Chris Michaels of CSLKC said he noticed that my walk had changed and Rev. Jarie said she noticed a new swagger in my step. My voice got incredibly stronger and I started singing in ways I had not tried before. Bending more notes finding new ways to sing phrases of the songs I've written and performed.

In the song I wrote called Everyday there is a line that says, "I've been seeking the peace that washes over me, takes me completely." This is the feeling I have, bathed in peace and bathed in surrender.

We came home from the adventure July 21st 2010. I visited Chaz the next month in Tulsa. Sitting on my spot of the couch (Yes like the guy in Big Bang), I shared with him the new visions I was having. He reminded me that my job is very simple. My job, my business is to be worthy. I simply hold it out and let the passion the, juiciness and vibrant nature of my being pour out. He also reminded me that I am not alone and that others stand behind and with me to love and support me in doing a very simple job. 

In that moment, I actually felt files of thoughts deleting from my consciousness and tears of that peace began to flow.

 Bukeka

"It's All About YOU! Begins May 3rd. Every Tuesday in May 6pm to 7:30pm to register go to www.bukeka.com.  Also visit my friend Chaz Wesley at www.chazwesley.com

Preparing for Mother's day.

You now have three weeks to prepare for Mother's Day. You may be preparing for or possibly bracing yourself for the experience of remembering the life of your mother. Last week,  I sang for a memorial service for a mother of three and Grandmother of one. Her daughter is a very bright and progressive woman who I have had the privilege of connecting with named Jenny. 

I am very happy that I can still have lunch or dinner with my mother. Many of us call my mother "Just Joan" or "OhtheJoan" fondly after my web person "Ohthebill" Rosen. My mother is clearly worthy of the titles as well as the audaciousness that comes along with them. I say this in the most complimentary way. 

My mother Joan, is sweet, funny, tremendously caring and my possible ticket to having the next best reality TV show. During my surrender adventure with my cohort Chaz Wesley, I did release work around my mother and the feelings one has when loving someone who does have an opinion and will share it with you most of the time. .

What I came to realize is that whatever story my mother chooses to have or whatever memory she chooses to never let go of, she too is worthy of having it, if that's what she wants. In my childhood I wrote poems and stories about my wonderful mother. As an adult I found myself in a place of judgment about what she should be feeling or not, and asking myself "why is she making me feel this way?"

As much as I had come to understand about thoughts feelings, emotions and beliefs, I had a "mom-block". It's called "If it's not one thing it's your mother." But then it all came down to worthiness. Her worthiness, my worthiness, we all matter and have value regardless of how we display ourselves.

So if you are experiencing anything around the concepts of self-worth and mothers, take this moment to breath, allow, love yourself and know your worth. 

Bukeka

Upcoming Events

"It's All About YOU! in Kansas City. Beginning 5/3/11. To register see www.Bukeka.com.

 

I Am Worthy: Excerpts from Chapter 1

The terms self-worth and self esteem are frequently used interchangeably. But they are not the same. The Webster’s dictionary defines self-esteem as a feeling of pride in oneself. Self-worth is defined as the quality of being worthy of esteem or respect. 

Self-esteem is externally driven, often reinforced by social and cultural values of behavior, knowledge, appearance and material wealth.  Self-worth is internal, inherently bestowed upon every living being, unrelated to life conditions. It’s the foundation of self-respect and esteem. A person may have high self-esteem based on what they know, possess or how they look, but struggle endlessly to live up to their perceived potential. These individuals lack the self-worth that allows them to love themselves unconditionally. A dear friend years ago taught me a mantra that resonates with me to this day: I am worthy, simply because I am, Iam. 

We often see ourselves and others as being worthy based on the balance in our bank accounts or accumulation of material possessions. We judge others’ worth based on the degree of their life achievement and how much more they’ve accomplished compared to someone else. None of this has anything to do with self-worth. We are worthy simply because we exist.

When you acknowledge your self-worth, you know you are sufficient – you are okay as you are, even during times when you feel low and discouraged. And conversely, when you have the world by the tail, and everything you touch turns to gold, you remember you are ultimately the same as everyone else. You avoid developing an oversized ego, and maintain a sense of gratitude, never taking what you have for granted.

Throughout the span of humanity there are ongoing episodes of people believing their worth is being threatened. At that point they immediately move into a mode of survival; fight or flight.  To counter the impending threat a common tactic is to devalue or attempt to diminish the worth of others as a means to maintain their own.

The survival of a race, an economic way of life, or position of power, can spur humans (and it has been proven time and again) to literally, kill, demonize, and victimize others to keep what they believe they have the right to have and maintain for fear of losing it. It is a fear stemming from limited thinking of resources and a core belief that if one person is worthy then another cannot be.

But if we are to believe that our own worth is intrinsic simply because of our mere existence then it must be true for everyone else, despite the behavior or actions exhibited. 

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE PART OF MY FOCUS GROUP?

If you would like to be part of my focus group for this book, please send an email to bukeka@bukeka.com. For doing so you will receive the following:

1. Each completed chapter in PDF upon it's completion
2. The Process worksheet
3. An email with Chapter questions to be returned with your answers and; 
4. A free signed copy of the book within the first 100 copies/first come first serve basis. 

 SUPPORT IN TRAVELS TO SOUTH AFRICA

Robin Goff, Executive Director of the Light Center in Baldwin, Kansas is wanting me to come to South Africa to work with parents and children on the self-worth. This is a tremendous opportunity. Your donations and network partners to help me on this journey would be greatly appreciated. You may go to www.Bukeka.com to make donations (just scroll down on the first page of site). If you would like for me to meet of network with a potential corporate sponsor that would also be greatly appreciated. You can send that information so Bukeka@Bukeka.com. 

Thank you!

Love and Blessings

Bukeka

Worthy Dead or Alive

It is no secret that businesses can and do take out life insurance policies on individuals working for their company. It is a common practice to insure the lives of key personnel including executives, partners, and people deemed “essential”, so in the event of their death, the company will have income enough to keep the company afloat or to hire someone with equal knowledge and value. This type of policy is called corporate-owned life insurance or COLI. The value of the policy is generally based on the compensation or expertise of the deceased. It is not meant to add to a company’s profit or bottom line.

In April 2002 the Wall Street Journal ran an article written by staff reporters Ellen E. Schultz and Theo Francis entitled “Companies Profit on Workers' Deaths Through 'Dead Peasants' Insurance”, something at the time was deemed “as widespread as it is little-known”.  The article cited the case of Felipe Tillman of Tulsa, Oklahoma who at 29 years old, died of complications from AIDS.  Felipe had not purchased life insurance but the company he worked for CM Holdings Inc did. The company received a death benefit of $339,302 in Felipe’s name even though his employment ended before his death.

Here is what is known about Dead Peasant Insurance:

• It provides a tax break to companies that purchase the policies.
• Companies may take out loans using the cash value of the life insurance policy as collateral.
• Companies have used death benefits to make good on executive bonuses.
• Policies are now written on lower level or “rank and file” employees at amounts that far out way their salary or seniority.
• A death benefit can be paid to the company even when the employee no longer works there.
• Younger employees who die offer larger payouts than older workers due to actuarial computations that figure they are less likely to die young therefore “the same premium amount buys more coverage for them.”
• Though this practice began to boom in the 1980’s, employers were not required to tell employees until 2006. Even still these policies are often done without the employee’s knowledge.   

Some people find this practice acceptable and perfectly within the right of employers. They argue if the company pays the premium then the company should get the benefit. Others would say that their primary objection is the fact that companies have deducted the interest expense for loans from COLI policies from their taxes. However Congress has stepped up on restricting these instances where the interest is allowed to be tax deductible. Then there are those who find the practice appalling and several families have been successful in suing companies for taking out policies on employees without their knowing.

For those that are appalled, you may decide to take a stand and boycott the list of companies that maintain such a practice. If so, be prepared because you will likely not be able to cool or heat your home, use your credit card, talk on the phone, or clean your home, and if you like your whites whiter than white then “forgetaboutit”.   

Many companies track the employees who have left their employment, but anticipate receiving a death benefit by checking the Social Security Administration's database of deaths. So, if you are unsure whether or not you have value and worth – simply because you exist, all you have to do is ask your current or previous employer to find out if you are lucky enough to be on their list.